Date:         Mon, 26 Jan 1998 08:59:52 +0100
Reply-To:     Guy Winnen <GWinnen@INETGATE.CAPGEMINI.NL>
Sender:       "SAS(r) Discussion" <SAS-L@UGA.CC.UGA.EDU>
From:         Guy Winnen <GWinnen@INETGATE.CAPGEMINI.NL>
Comments: To: De_rycke_marc@euroclear.com, druyts_jurgen@euroclear.com,
          Lambrichts_Erik@euroclear.com, Son_Ivan@euroclear.com,
          XVerbeec@inetgate.capgemini.nl, Jan <Laco@pophost.eunet.be>,
          Marc.De.Rycke@skynet.be
Content-Type: text/plain

>>What do they REALLY mean in:
>
>>Advertisements?
>
>>"COMPETITIVE SALARY:" We remain competitive by paying less than our
>>competitors.
>
>>"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:" We have no time to train you.
>
>>"CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:" We don't pay enough to expect that you'll
dress
>>up; well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
>
>>"MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED:" You'll be six months behind schedule on
your
>>first day.
>
>>"SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:" Some time each night and some time each
weekend.
>
> >"DUTIES WILL VARY:" Anyone in the office can boss you around.
>
>>"MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL:" We have no quality control.
>
>>"CAREER-MINDED:" Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that
>way).
>
>>"APPLY IN PERSON:" If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the
position
>>has been filled.
>
>>"NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE:" We've filled the job; our call for resumes is
>just a legal formality.
>
>>"SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE:" You'll need it
to
>>replace three people who just left.
>
>>"PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:" You're walking into a company in
>perpetual >chaos.
>
>>"REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS:" You'll have the responsibilities of
a
>>manager, without the pay or respect.
>
>>"GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:" Management communicates, you listen,
figure
>>out what they want and do it.
>>
>>
>>
>>Resumes?
>>"I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION:"I've used
>>Microsoft Office.
>
>>"I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE:" I pilfer office supplies.
>
>>"MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES:" I hope you don't ask me about
all
>>the McJobs I've had.
>
>>"I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK:" I blame others for my mistakes.
>
>>"I'M PERSONABLE:" I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to
>co-workers.
>
> >"I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL:" I carry a Day-Timer.
>
> >"I AM ADAPTABLE:" I've changed jobs a lot.
>
>>"I AM ON THE GO:" I'm never at my desk.
>
>>"I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED:" The minute I find a better job, I'm
>>outta there.