Dear Conch-Lers - This seems like an appropriate time to forward to you
this little gem that my son sent to me some time ago. It is better if read
aloud.
Betty Jean, The Tall One
"REPORT
Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EU rather than
German, which was the other possibility, the European Commission has
released a feasibility study in ways of improving efficiency in
communications between Government departments. European officials have
often pointed out that English spelling is unnecessary difficult - for
example, cough, plough, rough, through and thorough. What is clearly needed
is a phased programme of changes to iron out these anomalies. The programme
would, of course, be administered by a committee staff at top level by
participating nations.
"In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using 's'
instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would
resieve this news with joy. Then the hard 'c' could be replaced by 'k'
sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only would this klear up
konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters kould be made
with one less letter.
"There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year, it was
announsed that the troublesome 'ph' would henseforth be written 'f'. This
would make words like 'fotograf' twenty per sent shorter in print.
"In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
to reash the stage where more komplikated shanges are possible.
Governments would enkourage the removal of double letters which have always
been a deterent to akurate speling.
"We would al agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the languag is
disgrasful. Therefor we kould drop thes and kontinu to read and writ as
though nothing had hapend. By this tim it would be four years sins the skem
began and peopl would be reseptive to steps sutsh as replasing 'th' by 'z'.
Perhaps zen ze funktion of 'w' kould be taken on by 'v', vitsh is, after
al, half a 'w'. Shortly after zis, ze unesesary 'o kould be dropd from
words kontaining 'ou'. Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer
kombinations of leters.
"Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli sensibl
riten styl. After tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls, difikultis and
evrivun vud fin it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drems of the Guvermnt vud
finali hav kum tru."
Betty Jean Piech
Hockessin DE,USA
~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~
_@/-The more I learn, the more I realize how little I know.-\@_
---------------------------------------------------------------
|