Dear Conch Lers -

Today (as often happens on Sunday) appears to be a rather slow day on the
List.  I belong to a Humor List that sends me a joke a day, some of which
aren't worth very much.  But I thought this one, in lieu of what Government
regulations are doing  in some places with regard to shell collecting,
might bring a little smile to your face.

>Today's Joke:
>
>The Lord spoke to Noah and said, "Noah, in six months
>I am going to make it rain until the whole world is
>covered with water and all the evil things are destroyed.
>
>But, I want to save a few good people and two of every
>living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build
>an ark."
>
>And, in a flash of lightning, he delivered the
>specifications for the ark. "OK," Noah said, trembling
>with fear and fumbling with the blueprints, "I'm your
>man."
>
>"Six months and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord.
>"You better have my ark completed or learn to swim for
>a long, long time!"
>
>Six months passed, the sky began to cloud up, and the
>rain began to fall in torrents. The Lord looked down
>and saw Noah sitting in his yard, weeping, and there
>was no ark.
>
>"Noah!" shouted the Lord, "where is My ark?"  A lightning
>bolt crashed into the ground right beside Noah.
>
>"Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best,
>but there were some big problems. First, I had to get a
>building permit for the ark's construction, but your
>plans did not meet their code. So, I had to hire an
>engineer to redo the plans, only to get into a long
>argument with him about whether to include a fire-
>sprinkler system."
>
>"My neighbors objected, claiming that I was violating
>zoning ordinances by building the ark in my front yard,
>so I had to get a variance from the city planning board.
>
>Then, I had a big problem getting enough wood for the
>ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to save
>the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists
>and the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service that I needed the
>wood to save the owls, but they wouldn't let me catch
>them, so no owls."
>
>"Next, I started gathering up the animals but got sued
>by an animal rights group that objected to me taking
>along only two of each kind. Just when the suit got
>dismissed, the EPA notified me that I couldn't complete
>the ark without filing an environmental impact statement
>on your proposed flood. They didn't take kindly to the
>idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of
>a Supreme Being."
>
>"Then, the Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the
>proposed flood plan. I sent them a globe! Right now,
>I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal
>Opportunities Commission over how many minorities I'm
>supposed to hire."
>
>"The IRS has seized all my assets claiming that I am
>trying to leave the country, and I just got a notice
>from the state that I owe some kind of use tax. Really,
>I don't think I can finish the ark in less than five
> years."
>
>With that, the sky cleared, the sun began to shine,
>and a rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked
>up and smiled.
>
>"You mean you are not going to destroy the world?"
>he asked hopefully.
>
>"No," said the Lord, "I am to late, the government
>already has."
>