RARE FOSSIL SHELLS FOUND OFF ATLANTIC COAST
An Article by Roving Reporters Rusti Stover and Bob Dean

Early in November of this year, Paleontologists reported an unprecedented
find of fossil shells near the Atlantic coastline of Florida. The shells
were found in Palm Beach County, (and later in Broward and Dade also) and
the ensuing media attention quickly spread around the world.

Scientists reported the two possible species, abruptly named Chadelectus
Floridanus bushii, and Chadelectus Floridanus gorus, was found in many
places around the county.  The dominant species has yet to be determined.
Most specimens were reported to be imperfect; (perfect specimens usually
have 4 “legs” on each corner), and most of these were found to have 3, 2, or
no “legs” at all; some were thought to have been “pregnant” when the animal
died and the fossilization process started.

Classification of their parsimony is much debated, disputed and even
contested.  The two touted Phylogenetic paths are: Democratus appealus and
Republicus stopacountus.   Weeks after the initial discovery, scientists are
still  arguing the finer points of the recorded data on the shells.  After
many tests on the materials, there were no clear answers to the riddle of
where these shells belonged in the fossil record.

A proposal from one of the top scientists is now being considered. Professor
W. J. Clinton, a renowned Arkansas Paleontologist, proposed taking over
research of the new finds for a period of at least four years, if not eight,
or burying the project until a better way to find answers to this fossil
record is found.

Professor Clinton also chastised the head of the Florida College, Katherine
Harris, for prematurely naming the specimens in honor of a friend of hers
(Chadelectus Floridanus bushii).
Much paperwork remains to be done before a clear answer emerges.  A
celebration of the findings is scheduled to take place in Washington, DC in
January of next year when the matter is resolved, but as of this writing it
is not clear if anyone will appear at the celebration except Professor
Clinton wherein he is hoping to have bestowed full tinier at Washington
University.