The following was written by Brian Hammond in Scotland, cone collector and
one of the world's foremost shell poets:

I had the oddest dream today I've ever dreamed before:
I dreamed I was collecting shells on some far distant shore.
The sun shone down, the sky was blue, I didn't have a care,
It didn't matter where I trod - rare shells were everywhere!
Shells from every continent, from all across the world,
With every step my poor feet took new species were unfurled.
It didn't seem to matter if I collected by the ton,
My pockets did seem bottomless and held each single one.
Every time I picked one up another took its place,
I walked along so slowly; there was no point in haste.
I was in seventh heaven, my happiness fulfilled -
Then suddenly I reached the end and to my horror I was billed!
The sum was astronomical, and of course I couldn't pay,
So I had to put the whole lot back - it was the saddest day...
I was trying to console myself, that at least I'd had some fun,
I thought things must get better, but the worst was yet to come.
The sky grew black, the wind increased, my mouth was filled with sand,
I had to hold a palm tree as I found it hard to stand.
When at last the wind died down and on sand I didn't choke,
I took a look along the beach and every shell was broke.
My knees gave way and down I went amid a flood of tears,
But things were destined to get worse - I met my greatest fears.
I awoke from all this hell and then found to my dismay:
That it was only Monday and part way through the day!
My boss was standing over me, his face was filled with hate;
I gulped but couldn't say a word - I'd just accept my fate.
How do I explain to such as he, the horrors I have seen?
He's not a shell collector and he won't know what I mean.
I muttered "Sorry I was sleeping, I didn't mean to shirk".
He said, "You'd better make the time up by staying late at work".

Any resemblance to  "The Strangest Dream" is purely accidental.


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