The story behind this story goes back 130 years to the United States Civil
War. In the end, We (The North) had more toys and beat Them (The South),
although they don't seem to appreciate that fact. My friend and I, from
Ohio in The North, were on a little expedition to North Carolina (The
South) collecting freshwater molluscs. Since a couple of generals from Ohio
nearly won the war single-handedly and gave several Southern cities the
opportunity to re-landscape themselves, Ohioans are a little more unwanted
in the South than most. We went to the Rocky River at a site miles from any
visible habitation, under a bridge at a place that was obviously well-used
by the local gentry based on the number of camp-fires, beer bottles, and
condoms. We hadn't been in the water more than 10 minutes when suddenly we
heard screaming. Looking up we saw a grizzled gentleman who obviously had
participated in the Civil War yelling invectives at us to the point where
he had turned beet red and we feared a coronary. He ranted non-stop for at
least 10 minutes - apparently this was his property and he had seen us
through binoculars, and although he usually called the local authorities,
he decided to come down and welcome us personally. We apologized profusely
and made the fatal error of saying "We didn't know we were trespassing," at
which point he uttered the most profound and rational argument ever spoken
in North Carolina: "Do you own this land? No? Well then someone else does
and you're TRESPASSING!" Can't argue with that. Anyway, I mentioned to him
that we had came all the way from Ohio to get to this site. Suddenly, he
mellowed and said: "OHIO! Why you're just a cupple a northern boys! You
don't know no better!" And just like that he became our best bud, telling
all sorts of local tales, inviting us back anytime we wanted, etc. Southern
hospitality - sometimes it pays to be a stupid Northerner. We would have
just shot him in Ohio.
 
 
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 G Thomas Watters
 Ohio Biological Survey &
 Aquatic Ecology Laboratory
 Ohio State University
 1315 Kinnear Road
 Columbus, OH 43212 USA
 v: 614-292-6170  f: 614-292-0181
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"The world is my oyster except for months with an 'R' in them" - Firesign
Theater
 
"If I only had a brain" - The Scarecrow