Dear Conch-Lers -  This seems like an appropriate time to forward to you 
this little gem that my son sent to me some time ago.  It is better if read
aloud.
Betty Jean, The Tall One  
 
"REPORT
Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EU rather than 
German, which was the other possibility, the European Commission has 
released a feasibility study in ways of improving efficiency in 
communications between Government departments. European officials have 
often pointed out that English spelling is unnecessary difficult - for 
example, cough, plough, rough, through and thorough. What is clearly needed 
is a phased programme of changes to iron out these anomalies. The programme 
would, of course, be administered by a committee staff at top level by 
participating nations. 
 
"In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using 's' 
instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would 
resieve this news with joy. Then the hard 'c' could be replaced by 'k' 
sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only would this klear up 
konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters kould be made 
with one less letter. 
 
"There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year, it was 
announsed that the troublesome 'ph' would henseforth be written 'f'. This 
would make words like 'fotograf' twenty per sent shorter in print. 
 
"In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted 
to reash the stage where more komplikated shanges are possible. 
Governments would enkourage the removal of double letters which have always 
been a deterent to akurate speling. 
 
"We would al agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the languag is 
disgrasful. Therefor we kould drop thes and kontinu to read and writ as 
though nothing had hapend. By this tim it would be four years sins the skem 
began and peopl would be reseptive to steps sutsh as replasing 'th' by 'z'. 
Perhaps zen ze funktion of 'w' kould be taken on by 'v', vitsh is, after 
al, half a 'w'. Shortly after zis, ze unesesary 'o kould be dropd from 
words kontaining 'ou'. Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer 
kombinations of leters. 
 
"Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli sensibl 
riten styl. After tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls, difikultis and 
evrivun vud fin it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drems of the Guvermnt vud 
finali hav kum tru." 
 
 
 
 
 
Betty Jean Piech    
Hockessin DE,USA
~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~ 
_@/-The more I learn, the more I realize how little I know.-\@_
---------------------------------------------------------------